Left Through the Backdoor But No One Knew
by Emerin
Summary: The love that comes wrapped up in a bloody red bow, dripping with danger and passion and forevers, thats the love reserved for the precious few.Thats the love I will always yearn for, but will never have.ximplied DeeRyo SLASH x


Hullo Gentle Readers!

I'm trying my hand at different anime. This is a sad FAKE one, all done from Dee's POV. This could take place before they did the deed or after, or after the series ended, whatever tickles your fancy.

Up next might be my Hands Off! ones i've been saying I'm doing, but...ehhh, we'll see. I got my hands full with GRAVITY and now my new original fiction and all these oneshots that keep popping into my head and my crippling depression :sighs: i'm a mess. someone get me a taco.

Enjoy and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW

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Sometimes...love is like a sunset. It kinda sneaks up on you, but when it happens, its gorgeous and breathtaking and you pray it'll last forver, but eventually...it ends. But you remember what it looked like and you know it'll come again.

Sometimes...love is like a chandelier. There's darkness then, unexpectedly, your world is thrown into shards of rainbow light dancing all over the once plain walls. Its beautiful and magic. Then the light gets turned off, and the feeling disappears just as quickly. Just a fond memory.

Then sometimes...love is like a lightning bolt. So sudden and severe and consuming and terrifying. You're engulfed by hot light and it takes you, everything that you are, everything that you wereand everything that you will be. Nothing matters while that brightness is surrounding you. You have never been so scared. You have never felt so alive.And when it leaves...you die.

Love comes in different shapes and sizes. Like mommy shaped ones and best friend shaped ones and faithful pet shaped ones and daughter shaped ones. But the love that comes wrapped up in a bloody red bow, dripping with danger and passion and forevers, thats the love reserved for the precious few.

Thats the love I will always yearn for, but will never have.

I was debating with myself whether I wanted to tell him I loved him still. Tell him I miss his smile and miss allowing myself picture curling back into his body before I went to sleep. That my days have been so empty and pointless but I'd grown used to them, so I didn't even notice. That I hadn't stopped crying since he left me...

But that debate ended with nothing changed. I still love him just as desperately. I still watch his shadow and wait for the day when he turns around and realizes I had always been here for him. I still cry helplessly and scream to deaf walls and pray till I'm nothing but a muttering mess on the bathroom floor. I still ache. I still pain. And I will still never tell him.

I convinced myself he deserves atleast that. Deserves a life free of me and my mess. Yeah, I could love him deeper, longer and more passionately than anyone he will ever meet and I'd never treat him badly again and I'd spend my entire life making up for my mistakes andhis mistakes and his family's mistakes and everyone who had ever done him wrong. I would be there when he came home and wake him up when he slept in too late. I would hold his hair back when he drank too much the night before and retched everything from the past week. I would argue about the better quality of brute force versus negotiation. I would swoon over all of his annoying habits...

God, I would do anything within my power to make thatman happy.

But like I said...nothing changed. I won't make him happy. I won't be there to give him anything.

I'll just fade into the din of his life and become nothing more than a memory. A "Whatever happened to that one friend I had?" ...He doesn't notice me now. We haven't talked in ages. I suppose he's replaced me and my friendship by now. I'm not even a thought in his head.

It's...despairing. Realizing you were absolutely nothing to a person who meant the world to you. That each day your heart throbs at the very MENTION of his name, he's forgetting yours.

You're nothing to him.

He's everything to you.

The debate ended before it even started. Tell him I love him? Confess that I had never stopped loving, no matter how much he insisted we were OVER? I think not. Its not about pride or ego or shame.Its just...pointless. I'd rather have access to his life as a friend, then nothing at all.

I need to know I can ask how he's doing. I need to know I can have SOME sort of impact on his life, even if its just advice. I need...HIM.

I don't want him seeing my desperate tears or hear my agonizing screams. Its better if he lives in ignorance of that sort of thing. He'd die under the weight of my passion for him.

So i'll just say this here, in hopes he'll never read it.

I love you...i love you i love you i love I LOVE YOU.

i...love you...Ryo...


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